“I have met so many loyal passengers who say they are ‘Crystalized’ and have taken 50 or more cruises with them. Crystal’s level of cuisine and entertainment on this intimate ship is amazing.”
-Craig Smith, travel advisor with Miami-based Source Journeys
I lounged and laughed all week, and stayed up as late as I could on my cruise’s last night because I didn’t want the experience to end. I wasn’t ready to wave goodbye to the waves.
So, my voyage aboard a Crystal Cruise ship concluded with a melancholy morning. I climbed aboard the 740-passenger-capacity ship named “Serenity” in San Juan a week earlier, knowing full well the luxury life at sea would finish in Fort Lauderdale. But, suitcase packed, as I bid farewell to the friends I made and gave gratuities to the crew, I cooked up a dreamy scheme to stowaway.
Drowning in Dining – A Gourmet Lifeboat
After all, weren’t there more sunrises to take in from the top of the aft of the ship after a pre-dawn visit to the Aurora Spa’s windowed gym?
I wanted to see more syrupy sunsets from my suite balcony after exploring eclectic St. Barths; basking on the beaches of the British Virgin Islands; shopping in St. John’s English Harbor; or even swimming in the ship’s pool with music by the performing deejays the “Flair Duo:” Teatime meant a sun-kissed orange blend and other flavors by Julius Meinl with truffled and macaroons consumed to piano tunes.
Perhaps another fresh lobster dinner at Waterside? Possibly more pasta or gourmet gnocchi at Osteria d’Ovidio? (The Waygu Bolognese with homemade pappardelle and 101-month Parmesan cheese at Beefbar, founded in Monte-Carlo, was best, in my opinion.)
And I found room to plunder the Scoops gelato bar for a cup of stracciatella each afternoon.
Umi Uma was essentially the world-famous Nobu restaurant at sea, featuring the likes of yellow tail tartare with caviar or sashimi with jalapeno or Nobu-style black cod. Crystal Cruises is celebrated for its cuisine.
“The food is unparalleled. Crystal Cruises restaurants rise to the level of Michelin-starred cuisine,” said passenger Craig Smith, who owns Miami-based travel company Source Journeys. “I have met so many loyal passengers who say they are ‘Crystalized’ and have taken 50 or more cruises with them. Crystal’s level of entertainment on this intimate ship is amazing.” (Ranging from elaborate, costumed floor shows to a “Sound of Music” singalong on one of the evenings.)
That’s Entertainment
Before and after dinner, Englishman Neal Fullerton tickled the ivories and cracked jokes in the Avenue Saloon. I mourned for more evenings of entertainment in the Galaxy Lounge, where vivacious vocalist, American Lauren Heavner, captured the crowd.
Dazzling dancers like Nicole Bonvini, from Wales, circled the stage with the likes of the elegant Russian Nadia Matiunina, dramatically slicing the strings of her violin with bow.
As Smith suggested, some passengers, such as Englishwoman Fiona Baldwin; and a Californian radio host and record promoter named Bruce Rave, booked consecutive cruises so they could each stay on the ship for another week.
But I wondered what an actual life spent at sea might be like?
Scott Peterson, the American hotel manager aboard the Serenity, has worked at sea for more than 40 years.
“It started as an adventure out of college when I was hired to sail on a ship out of New York at Christmastime, putting up decorations, and then sailing back and taking down decorations. My father always told me I should do a ‘semester at sea’ studying, but I ended up spending a lifetime at sea,” Peterson revealed.
He works three months on the ship, and then has three months at home, before returning to the sea. “Six months a year might sound like a lot of time off, but out here I am working seven days a week and am on-call, 24 hours a day.”
I asked Peterson which period goes faster – three months at sea or at home?
“You’d probably have to ask my wife that,” he joked. “Onboard, I go to the rail every day and never tire of enjoying the beauty. My favorite view is off the stern, where you see the wake of the ship churning up the water. The other night, the sun was setting and the full moon was rising off the starboard side. The wonder of nature is remarkable.”
No Business Like Show Business
Crystal Cruise director Raphael Derkson is a French-Canadian musician who, in his youth, played with the Montreal Symphony.
“An agency looking for a trumpeter to play on ship called on the day of the biggest snowstorm in the history of Montreal. I could not find my car to dig it out and drive to a gig that was going to pay me $50. So instead, I got on a plane in the morning, flew to the Caribbean, and never went back. Now the only ice I see is in my drinks!” (And you should see him dance with guests, as I did at the ship’s famed “White Party!”)
The structure onboard suits the many musicians, singers, dancers, and comedians, Derkson, who also performs with Crystal’s show band, manages.
“Imagine the struggles that get in the way if you are an artist trying to make it in a big city: paying rent, having a day job waiting tables, etc. Aboard the ship, all those concerns are taken care of. Our musicians, singers and dancers have a roof over their heads and great food, so they can concentrate on performing.”
All the Ship’s a Stage – and All the Crew It’s Players
Photo by Harrison Shiels
It seemed every crew member aboard Crystal’s Serenity was a good-humored performer of sorts. Filipino Ed Palillo knew I liked a little booze with my 7 a.m. Marketplace buffet breakfast. “If I have to, I will get a hammer to break open the bar for you,” he joked.
Instead, lead barkeeper Afzal Kahn coughed up the key. (Catholic Mass followed for me at 8 a.m. in the theater.)
When faced with ordering off the menu, though, at Waterside, I struggled to choose…until server Thony Vasquez suggested I avoid the decision and just order both the eggs Benedict and the crab omelet with poached Dungeness crab, golden corn, green peas and aged cheddar.
My butler, Neeraj and suite attendants, Geraldine and Aiaru, feigned fright when coming across a plastic, spring-loaded crab I had secretly placed in their paths for a laugh.
On a snorkeling shore excursion off Jost Van Dyke, I asked the local boat captain and guide, who said his name was “Elvis,” if he had ever lost a passenger? “Not yet – and I hope never to,” Elvis answered seriously before continuing with a smile: “…because it would be a lot of paperwork. They would be asking me questions for five years!”
People Who Meet People – Crystal’s Classy Clientele
One of the “surviving” Crystal passengers I met on that snorkeling excursion was a record-setting softball player in the University of Minnesota Athletic Hall of Fame, traveling with her brother and other family members.
A Florida Seminoles hat was on the head of another interesting passenger I met in the pool. As we bobbed about with the ship underway, the woman told me her brother is an Air Force One pilot who had flown for Presidents George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump.
He also, while in the military, flew the aircraft used in the dramatic rescue of American soldier Jessica Lynch, who had been captured by Iraqi soldiers. I got so swept up in the stories I forgot to ask the woman what she did for a living, which, in retrospect, I felt embarrassed about.
Speaking of flight, another woman sitting on the side of the swimming pool with her husband, told me she lived in Bedminster, New Jersey. She said she had spied the large, mysterious drones flying overhead that were getting plenty of national news attention.
News and Intrigue During a St. Thomas Spree
And speaking of news, the fabulous guide I hired spontaneously shipside in St. Thomas, Fares Qbeisi, pointed out the late, convicted criminal Jeffrey Epstein’s infamous island from the top of a scenic spot he had driven me to in his van. (We first dropped another couple off to spend the day at Magen’s Bay beach.)
“I secured fruits and vegetables weekly to be taken by boat to the island. I knew Epstein’s chef, but I am not sure he ever even met Epstein. The kitchen was outside the house,” explained Qbeisi. I asked him if he knew if Epstein was a good tipper. “He was ‘okay.’”
Qbeisi charged me $70 for the 90-minute tour. He drove me and my mother up to a fun tourist-trap, souvenir shop called Mountain Top for a banana daiquiri and a panoramic view.
I picked up two bags of Frito-Lay potato chips to take back to one of the crew members aboard Serenity. I asked the Beefbar server if he needed anything while I was in town, and he confessed to enjoying “those crisps that come in the yellow bag.”
Each time I was in various ports, I procured him some chips and presented them in different, surprising ways, which he got a kick out of.
With daiquiris in one hand and shopping bags in the other, we piled back in the van. During the drive down through the town and back to the dock, Qbeisi recalled once giving a ride to a guest who had come in from San Juan.
“I made small talk about how corrupt things are in Puerto Rico. My passenger passionately insisted it was not that way. At the end of our tour, as he paid me, he showed me his I.D. He was the Governor of Puerto Rico!”
It’s a small world! Sail across it on a Crystal Cruise!
Read more of Michael Patrick’s work at The Travel Tattler and contact him at [email protected]. Order his book Travel Tattler – Less Than Torrid Tales at https://amzn.to/3Qm9FjN
